Is love real?
“It’s easy to understand why we get hurt. We can come up with all sorts of reasons for our pain. But reasons don’t heal wounds or bring comfort. What truly matters are the motives and intentions behind actions.”
Sometimes, our minds tell us we’re being unreasonable. We feel that our emotions don’t make sense, but deep down, we know something is wrong. It’s not the event itself that hurts, but the intention behind it.
For example, many wives cry over things their husbands might never fully understand. They try to explain, but even if he listens and agrees, the same thing happens again. It’s not about the specific event, but the same hurtful effect. Eventually, the wife may hide her tears, storing her feelings in the quiet corners of her heart. But the hurt doesn’t disappear—it grows, and soon it’s too much to keep hidden.
What does it mean to truly love someone?
If you’re a wife or just someone feeling hurt, I want to remind you gently: love is not about you. True love isn’t about what we want or expect in return. Love is about giving—giving without expecting anything back.
Love is about serving others, caring for them, and sometimes sacrificing for them. You don’t love because you want something in return. You love because it’s a choice, a selfless act.
Love your husband, your family, and your friends the way you want to be loved—without any expectation of receiving the same in return. Remember, God gave His Son for the world, knowing many wouldn’t love Him back. That’s real love—love that’s unconditional and doesn’t depend on how it’s returned. As 1 John 4:9-10 reminds us:
“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:9-10, NIV)
The Five Love Languages
Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages offers incredible insight into how we express love. We all have a “love language,” a way we prefer to show or receive love. The five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
This language expresses love through words. Compliments, words of encouragement, and kind words go a long way for those who speak this language. If your partner appreciates hearing “I love you,” or “You’re doing a great job,” these words make them feel loved and valued. - Acts of Service
For some people, actions speak louder than words. When someone speaks this love language, they feel loved when others do things for them. Whether it’s cooking dinner, helping with chores, or running errands, these actions show care and appreciation. - Receiving Gifts
People who speak this language feel loved when they receive thoughtful gifts. It’s not about the price tag, but the thought and effort behind the gift. A meaningful gift can show that you care and are thinking of them. - Quality Time
For others, spending time together is the best way to show love. It’s not just about being in the same room; it’s about being fully present, listening, and engaging. Time spent together, whether it’s a date night or simply talking, is what makes them feel loved. - Physical Touch
For some, physical affection like hugs, kisses, or holding hands are the primary ways they feel loved. Physical touch reassures them and fosters a deeper emotional connection.
Understanding these love languages can help you communicate better with your loved ones. For example, if your husband speaks acts of service but you speak words of affirmation, he might feel loved when you help him with tasks, while you might need verbal praise.
Love is expressed differently by each person, so it’s important to understand and speak each other’s love languages. When you show love in their language, it feels more genuine and meaningful to them. Remember, love is not about you. It’s about giving, even if it’s not the way you would naturally express love.
Self-Love and Self-Care: Loving Yourself as God Loves You
While love is about giving to others, it’s also important to remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Loving yourself is not selfish; it is essential. Just as we are called to love our neighbors, we are also commanded to care for our own well-being—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:39:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39, NIV)
This verse implies that self-love is a foundation for loving others. You can only give love when you have first received it and when you are healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
Self-love involves recognizing your worth as a child of God. You were created in His image (Genesis 1:27), and His love for you is perfect, regardless of your flaws or mistakes. Embrace who you are, knowing that God loves you unconditionally. Take time for self-care—whether through prayer, rest, exercise, or doing things that bring you joy—because you are worthy of care and attention.
The Bible reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and we are called to take care of them:
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, NIV)
Taking time for self-care isn’t just about relaxation; it’s about honoring God through the way we take care of the gift He has given us—our bodies. When we take care of ourselves, we reflect the love God has for us and equip ourselves to love others more effectively.
The Ultimate Source of Love
And when you feel hurt or confused, take comfort in knowing this: love is not about you—but God’s love is. God’s love for you is unconditional, constant, and perfect. It’s the one thing that will never fail you, and it’s all you need.
God’s love is the foundation of all love. It empowers you to love others even when it’s hard. When you know you are loved by God, you can find peace and healing. His love is enough to restore you, no matter what.
Romans 8:38-39 assures us of God’s unchanging love:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39, NIV)
When you are rooted in God’s love, you can face any challenge with strength and grace. His love will never fail, and it will guide you as you love others.
Our prayer….
Heavenly Father,
We come before You united in our longing for Your love and grace. We lift up to You every heart that feels unseen, unloved, or broken. Father, we pray for those among us who are carrying the weight of loneliness, heartache, or rejection. In their pain, we ask that You would remind them of Your unwavering love—love that is constant, unconditional, and perfect.
Lord, open our eyes to see Your presence even in the midst of struggle. May we recognize that no matter our circumstances, Your love is always with us, and Your arms are always open. When the world around us may seem cold, let Your warmth fill our hearts. Help each of us to find comfort and peace in knowing that we are loved by You, no matter what.
We pray, Father, that You would help us to love one another as You have loved us—freely and without expectation. Teach us to love not because we seek something in return, but because we are called to serve You through our love for others. May we offer our love as an act of worship to You, reflecting Your heart in all that we do.
We ask that You would heal the broken hearts among us and fill them with Your peace. May we always remember that Your love is the ultimate source of healing and restoration. Help us to love, serve, and care for one another, knowing that in doing so, we are honoring You.
In Jesus’ name, we pray,
Amen.