Waiting Upon the Lord

 

After giving birth I have experience all sort of pain, not only physical but also emotional pain. A lot of encouragement has been offered, and all the pain come and goes. My body may have started healing, but everything inside starts rotting. Many times I have asked the Lord for rescue — an escape from the reality where I find myself unable to live on. I am embarrassed of myself for all the thoughts that cross my mind, and I try to stay sane by pretending I am finally okay.

In June 13 though, I felt pain in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen, and being a nurse I started observing and examining myself for appendicitis. I immediately prayed for the Lord to heal me, my baby was only six weeks then, and it would be terrible not to be able to take care of him if I have to have a surgery. In my delight, the pain subsided after two days, and I thank the Lord for it. But by June 17, I had a terrible pain in the upper right quadrant of my abdomen, and this time it was worse than the first. The pain was so severe that every movement bring tears to my eyes and breastfeeding becomes a torture. I earnestly asked the Lord to heal me so I can continue taking care of my child. But then it continued on for two nights, that eventually my husband brought me to the hospital in June 19.

I was admitted then and my baby was left at home with his grandma on formula milk. At first, I was worried sick about my baby but after praying with my sister I was at peace and thankful for the opportunity to recuperate, rest and worry for my own. Many of my emotional issues were resolved on those days and I thanked the Lord for the giving the escape I badly needed. I may seem overly selfish on that note, but I strongly believed that everything was allowed by the Lord for a good reason. After three days I was discharged, and I have more reasons to be thankful to the Lord. All examinations for organ failure turned out negative, and I am ready to go home and continue recuperating with a brand new spirit.

And so I thought, pain kicks in immediately after the last of my pain reliever wears off. But I bravely fought off with the pain with the help of my husband who took charge of the baby sitting. However, such bravado thins off when the pain in my upper right quadrant was doubled by the pain in my lower right quadrant abdomen. I went for a follow up check-up after being in pain for two days and two physicians, a medical internist and a medical surgeon, both suggested I let myself in the hospital for appendectomy. I didn’t! I went home and cried to the Lord.

“Dear God, I have no more strength to even worry on what’s happening right now. I know father I have prayed to be rescued many times, but I have lacked faith and didn’t wait for you. I have gone on my own ways, and I even believed it is what you wanted. This time around father, I choose to wait upon you! If healing is not your answer my Lord, please prepare me that I may not be taken by the enemy. You said that you are patient and is willing to wait so that all will be saved, I am not confident oh father that I have been a good and faithful servant, so please father, if I only have a few hours left, renew my salvation oh father. Forgive me for all my sins. I thank you father for the wonderful experience of being a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife and a mother. Thank you for all the blessings. Thank you for my life. Thank you for my salvation. Please prepare my love ones, that all may find peace when I am gone. Shower them with love that no one will be blamed, not my parents, not my husband and not my son. Make my death peaceful oh father that it will be easy to forget. Let Jeremy find you oh Lord so he can understand. Make my son grow well and may he feel my loved even in my absence through your love oh father. But if healing is your answer Lord, I thank you. Make this day a turning point that I may glorify your name every passing day. Thank you Jesus!”

I didn’t die that night. My pain subsided and I enjoyed waking up on my baby’s whimpers. But I am still waiting upon the Lord, for I am either healed or I had my appendix perforated.