Somehow, I cannot wait until this testimony is completed before I put it into writing. Something great and a bit frightening but altogether wonderful is happening and I do not want to missed or forget any details of it. I do not even know how to begin with it, but I’ll try my best to write it well. May the Lord binds this story according to his intentions and supplement my human nature to reveal his true message.
Every story has a beginning, a climax and an ending, but I somehow feel like the climax is so important that this blog post will just be the climax. There will be no ending, because there is no endings yet. The beginning of the story will be posted as another story.
I was in our bedroom with my head buried deep under our blanket. I was crying for many reasons. I didn’t even pray, I feel like I have already cried out everything to the Lord. And somehow the Lord has spoken to me, not audibly but something like a memory of some events in the Bible.
Exodus 3:7-10 (The Message) God said, “I’ve taken a good, long look at the affliction of my people in Egypt. I’ve heard their cries for deliverance from their slave masters; I know all their pain. And now I have come down to help them, pry them loose from the grip of Egypt, get them out of the country and bring them to a good land with wide-open spaces, a land lush with milk and honey, the land of the Canaanite, the Hittite, the Amorite, the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite. The Israelites cry for help has come to me, and I’ve seen for myself how cruelly they’re being treated by the Egyptians. It’s time for you to go back: I’m sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the People of Israel, out of Egypt.”
Matthew 14: 29-31 (The message) He said “come ahead”. Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried “Master, save me!” Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then He said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”
Exodus 16:4-5 (The message) God said to Moses “I’m going to rain bread down from the skies for you. The people will go out and gather each day’s ration. I’m going to test them to see if they’ll live according to my teaching or not. On the sixth day, when they prepare what they have gathered, it will turn out to be twice as much as their daily ration”.
My conversation with Lord was something like this:
God: I have brought you to your place now so you can serve me. But I have heard your cries and saw all your struggles. I am now giving you freedom to a place I will show you.
Me: Okay God, but please ensure that I get the home-base job I applied with. My laptop broke and I cannot complete the test to qualify me for the job. That’s my only safety boat.
God: Why do you need a safety boat? Have I not provided more than your needs? You of little faith. Don’t you know that I am teaching you to rely on me on a daily basis?
Me: Lord, I’m scared. Send me a Moses to instruct and guide me.
God: I will send you a daily ration of manna.
Like the Israelite, I need freedom badly. But like them, wilderness was not the image of freedom painted in my mind when I cried to God. Freedom for me is getting out in a place not too far and still familiar. I never imagined that God’s answer to my cries will be a wilderness of unknown. That it will be entirely different and that I need to live each day not knowing.
I feel this nagging sense of the need to think-twice, but somewhere within me, courage and peace of mind is the bigger me. Like an answer to a test I surely reviewed, and even if there’s a possibility of being wrong, my confidence just won’t waiver that I answered correctly.
Would I think about going back? It will be difficult, but there is routine and security with it. Somehow, I will have the power over the circumstances depending on how hard I worked. But I know that going back will make a fool of me because the future holds a promise by God. And God is beautiful and his promise is beautiful.
The way to the promise is undeniably unknown but what is clear is God is walking with me. And I won’t need anything except for his daily grace.